‘My Christ wears a cape.’

captainfuck [on Tumblr]:

Superman is easily the most misunderstood fictional figure in modern popular culture.

Any issues people tend to have with him are a result of lazy writers, not any failings of the central myth behind him. His lack of appeal speaks more to the persistent cynicism of our society than anything else. Why else do people have  such a hard time rooting for a man with the power of a God who seeks only to do good? Same reason you don’t trust that really nice guy who’s helping you with your groceries. Your first instinct is “he’s a rapist.”

That’s the appeal of Batman. Batman doesn’t fucking trust anyone. You wouldn’t either if you saw your parents get capped at age 8. People can relate to that. Bruce was normal, then the world showed him it’s true colors, and he never looked away again.

Clark is essentially Jesus, but far less preachy. People can’t relate to that shit. Superman is like Jack from LOST. Most people cannot relate to a gifted, well to do Anglo alpha male struggling with his place in the world. Bruce is the emo kid acting out his revenge fantasies on drug dealers and motherfuckers dressed up likes clowns. Clark is the jock valedictorian who felt bad that his best friends didn’t get accepted to the schools he did.

I think at this point I should get across that I am a Batman stan for life. Period. I’ve been Team Rich Nigga Vigilantism since birth.

Just, as I get older, I wish for the moral fibre and the dedication to be more like Superman.

People point to his absurd power levels & shit but be honest: if YOU could fly and punch the moon, how many kittens in trees would you save? Bruce is incapable of seeing the good in humans, and understandably so. Clark is incapable of not at least trying to. That’s admirable. Bruce is equally restrained. I mean, he’ll beat the shit out of a crackhead with a car engine if the mood strikes, but he can’t cross a line. Can you imagine having the wealth and means to just fucking murder serial rapists and get away with it, and have the strength not to?

I don’t like regular people, mostly. I grew up with titans and misunderstood freaks who held themselves to a higher standard. 95% of the people I’ve met in life have at one point or another fucked up my perception of humanity. Shit, myself included.

Superman never let me down. Never cut a corner. He never fucked somebody over out of selfishness. He stood on a line and wouldn’t be moved. Half of the historical figures who’s regurgitated mantras and quotes we parrot and strain to adhere to were fuck ups just like us. I’m pretty sure Gandhi told a white lie or two in life to get some head. Superman? Not so much.

As a kid, I thought Superman was lame. I’ve read the end fight scene from THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS thousands of times. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve respected him more.

Idk. Some people really fucking like Jesus. I wasn’t raised with the bible. I was raised with The Justice League. My Christ wears a cape. I think belittling the myth of Superman down to being a boring do-gooder is reductive and insulting.
I’m just saying…how many kids right are going to grow up idolizing nihilistic, selfish, jaded cocksuckers with broken belief systems? If I have a kid, I don’t want him to grow up to be like me. That’s a low ceiling to build over a child. Why can’t he reach for the skies?

Doing the right thing is fucking HARD. Clark Kent is an awkward, workaholic nerd who keeps people at a distance so he doesn’t endanger them. Here’s a dude who could basically turn 22 and walk into the white house and incinerate the President, and run the free world. He could build iron fortified fuck palaces with his bare hands and stock them to the brim with color coordinated cooze puppets in every city. Instead, he works at a fucking newspaper. He’s in love with a bitch who only likes him when he wears a cape. Everyone dogs him. His boss is a dick. His parents are the only two people in the world who seem to understand him at all. He doesn’t take days off. He gets up every day and sacrifices anything he could be doing for himself to save lives. And better the world around him. I don’t understand how no one can relate to that? You’ve never done something because you know it’s right, even if it doesn’t benefit you? I’m not saying, you know, defeat Darkseid on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Shit, you never helped an ungrateful friend move? How many parents leave their kids in front of an Xbox and let Master Chief raise their young? Shit, pop in some Superman cartoons.

I’ve always considered myself a man in search of a cave to plot revenge in, but I’m trying Ringo. I’m trying REAL HARD to be more Super.

He was raised by two decent, hard working, loving humans. He saw in them that EVERY human, regardless of circumstance, had that capacity. Bruce knew from a young age the very worst humanity had to offer. Clark knew the opposite. I’m cynical as fuck! When I meet new people who seem genuinely nice, it takes WEEKS for me to stop secretly assuming they’re pedophiles!

I don’t fucking trust ANY of you people! I WISH I’d studied to be a ninja to facekick shady fucking people. But, God, how I wish I could be a kid again. Children have that quality Superman has. It’s not naiveté. They just still believe in magic.

Obviously, Superman can afford to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If he ends up being wrong, you know, he can atomize hem w/ a look. I think the beauty of the character is that, if our sun didn’t turn him into a God, and he was raised just the same, he’d be no different. He’d just be a shy nerd who gives people the benefit of the doubt, and probably get mugged a lot.

People. you don’t have to be able to fly to be Superman. Take a week trying not to be a dick. You’re halfway there. Just fucking SMILE at people in the streets. ASPIRE, dammit.

Remember that poster for Donner’s SUPERMAN? “YOU WILL BELIEVE A MAN CAN FLY!” When’s the last time you believed in anything aspirational?

I think I’m pretty much done. Been in a bad mood for three weeks and I read SUPERGODS and decided Kal-El was going to be my new religion.

Still BATMAN 4 LYF, but I think we could all stand to see a little more Superman when we face the mirror in the morning.

You caught me in a rare, uplifting mood. Tomorrow it’s back to big asses, hipster music and bad mouthing stupid people.

[thanks, deebeemonster]

Great rant. And a good incentive to pick up at least Action Comics #1 this September.