Days

My friend once said ‘In three words I sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on. We owe it to ourselves to make our days count. Keep living.’

She’s right. Life does go on, and you do have to make your days count. I haven’t really grasped the concept of moving on. Changing myself because everything around me is changing too. Am I afraid?

Maybe.

Am I ready? I don’t know. That’s the only real answer I have right now to any questions I ask myself considering my future; the years ahead and how tough or enjoyable they may be. I just don’t know, and its a painful thing to tell myself, but I don’t see another one popping up.

You tell yourself, ‘stop thinking so much’, ‘stop being so sentimental,’ just focus on the ‘positives.’ I wish that in some way, being emotionally distant to those I care about will make it any easier to change. To grow up. It’s all part of the process though. Always has been, always will be. It’s almost a universal truth, and at least that I do know.

So if I say we should stop thinking so much, I’m lying. Keep thinking. Continue to ask questions, because how the hell else are you going to find answers? It may take a couple months, couple years. It may be still taking time to find out what they are, but we find them. And then, you have nothing else to do but to ask another one.

And I guess that’s how you start changing.

Sentimentality is a bitch. But its a necessary one. Can I blame you for holding onto as many feelings as you possibly can?

No, I can’t. It’s not my place. I hold on to them too, because I’m scared. Not about losing them, but wondering what they’ll do to me. It’s counter-intuitive and stupid, but you don’t let those kinds of things go. You just don’t.

It’s the same with people, but unfortunately they aren’t distant memories in your mind, they’re personalities. Experiences. Support. They’re friends that you’ve done more than you can fathom with, and suddenly they go away. With a snap. Blink and they’re gone. And now they are what you wanted them to be, a memory, because that way, you can hold on to them.

When it hits you, it hits you though.

So, was I ready?

No. Not one bit. I can expect more of it to come though. What should I do? Brace myself? What with. Try to maintain the connection I’ve taken for granted for whatever number of years and savour its last days? No, I think I’m done with that too.

I’ve lost enough connections to see its uselessness.

So this is where my friend is right; life does go on, with or without you.

Are you going to catch up? Or stay in one place until before long everyone and everything has gone up ahead?

What you do is you deal with it. Take the pain, stop sulking, and deal with it. Life is unfair, you’re going to take bullshit from an endless amount of people, events, and circumstances. Things will look bleak, meaningless, and unimportant. Hell, you’ll feel unimportant. More so they you probably already do. You know why?

Cause that’s life. Fight it or run with it.

And you can take as many memories, feelings, sentiments and experiences with you.

When those people eventually leave, there are ways to keep them alongside you. When life beats you down, takes your wallet, and leaves you for dead, close your eyes and remember.

Why you’re running in the first place, trying to catch up. Why they left, you stayed, and nothing seems right. Why you can’t bring what you once were back to the surface, because its long gone. Why you changed.

By now, you’ve figured out the answers.

So open your eyes and ask, 'Any more questions?'