Introducing the next era of iConformity

Today, Apple released its biggest iPhone yet!

Wait, never mind. It’s a pad. Not a phone.

When I first found out about this, I thought it was a hoax, because most of the time they are. But when it was on the Apple website, I still thought it was a hoax. Like, come on. An iPhone for your lap? In 3 years, maybe even 2 years, maybe even in the next few months after it comes out, are people going to be taking public transit and wiping their dirty, oily hands over something that looks like a detached computer monitor?

Yeah, we will. But from the looks of the demo video (which stops buffering a quarter way through), its basically a bigger iPhone, without the phone part. Is that a bad thing? Not at all. Imagine gaming on this thing, without the use for a real keyboard and a mouse. Imagine racing games! Have you ever driven a car with a quadrilateral steering wheel? Well, now you can—or at least I think you will be able to. I don’t think Apple would pass up that opportunity.

And imagine first-person shooters. Maybe if you slap the screen with your palm, you throw a grenade or something. I don’t really know how that would work, but it seems more awesome the more I think about it.

But apart from that, the guy with the slightly lazy eye in the demo video on the Apple homepage says its fun. I’m going to take his word for it, cause it does look like fun. If you like high resolutions, I bet you’ll like this. Just a giant iPhone (without the phone).

Still, it’s a bit surreal that Apple came out with this weird piece of tech. There was actually a Samsung or Sony information-viewer thingy of similar function at the recent CES convention, but I doubt it’d fly as much as the iPad. Not as fruity.

Do expect a massive, overwhelming influx of richer-than-you-should-be yuppies and privileged teenagers gnawing for a taste of this new tech. Will we look like the stupidest people ever, poking our fingers endlessly against a screen? Or will this yet again be another media technology revolution?

I give it a month; by that time it should be in everyone’s lives, like everything else Apple. It’s almost scary how much we rely on this company. Silicon-plated, staintless-steel statue of Steve Jobs erected in 2020? I can see it now. With some iHovercraft, or some iFood.

Ah, the gag’s not even funny anymore. Just enjoy your screen-poking, once it becomes available. Until then, play your leeeetle racing games on your leeetle tiny iPhone screen.

This is a pretty big event, because I just had to create a new label just to compensate for this news! Get poking (April 2010)!