Monday, October 21, 2013

Funny how things turn out.

I'm working through a sinus headache right now, trying to figure out ways to deliberate responsibilities for my team to create a design document for a video game prototype that will be done by February 14th, 2014.

If you told me that would be happening to me, two years ago, I would say that my future self is an idiot and ask him what bug he caught that made him try to do something so insanely big.

I'd shrug at him. "Why not?" is the easiest cop-out. There are lots of reasons why not, including:

  • Pain and suffering 
  • Anxiety related to professional, academic, and social commitments now thrust upon you as someone with responsibility
  • Responsibility
  • The halting of all other aspects of your life
  • Caring about something
  • Mental health
The list could very well go on, but I'll end it there. This blog has had stints of activity and non-activity so much that the only guaranteed aspect of its existence is that nothing is going to happen for a long period of time. Just refer to the side-bar and you can review embarrassingly written prose entries about my high-school self, or conceited movie reviews that are only ever just circle-jerking my favorite genre flicks. 

The point is, what I have to say, that I want to share, has become intermittent for really only one reason: I have nothing of significance to say.

Most of what I write is stream-of-consciousness, and from up until I started this thing to about, the end of September, nothing that came out of that stream was of particular importance to anyone. Given that, I was well aware of that fact once 2011 hit, I still kept going because, who's going to judge what you have to say, if you type it in a blog post? 

Well, significance hit me in the face at the start of this semester like a ton of bricks and now there's some issues with dealing with the aftermath. 

I am making a video game. 

I love video games. 

I love telling stories and hearing stories and reading/watching/playing stories.

I am making a story that will be told through said video game.

I'll try not to reduce the importance of my existence at this very moment to those four sentences, but I'll be damned if those aren't the four sentences I remind myself of more often than not lately. The idea is still absurd. The process is overwhelming. By February 14th, the reward could be... dare I say...

Significant?